Superman III

It seems clear that the legacy of the “Superman” series is that each sequel is worst than the last. “Superman III” was definitely worse than “Superman II,” and since that one was bad to begin with, then where does that leave Number Three? Well, for starters, there was a director change. This director had some misunderstandings with some of the cast members, and they were actually written out of the film. The special effects were actually a lot worse than last time, which was something of a surprise. All of these things, along with overused slapstick humor and the worst villains of the 80s make for a very unpleasant movie experience.

The new director of “Superman III” wasn’t much of a people person, clearly. He actually managed to throw Lois Lane and Lex Luthor completely out of the story, just because they didn’t get along very well with him. That was a mistake of super-huge proportions, because those two were always brilliant additions to the “Superman” series. Instead, he added a new love interest, Lana Lang (why is it always L.L.?), and a two new villains, a self-aware supercomputer with Kryptonite weaponry, and an evil copy of himself. The new villains were unoriginal and completely ridiculous and the new girlfriend was just a blonde Lois Lane with inferior acting ability and no enthusiasm. These films should be directed by the fanboys.

Once again, the special effects were highly dissatisfying. I know it was the 80s and the effects are not like today, but in “Superman III” they actually got worse. Like when they tried to make Superman freeze a lake, pick it up, and drop it on a flaming building; it looked more fake than Michael Jackson’s nose. In yet another brilliant, strategic move, the genius director decided it would be helpful to stick in bad slapstick comedy to distract the action junkies. Was it funny? No. Did it help at all? Nope. Does bad slapstick comedy have any place in a movie about the Man of Steel? Absolutely and irrevocably no! This film is what modern day fans rightly call a super-fail.

Before I ever actually saw this movie, I’d heard nothing but very negative things about it. I thought that it couldn’t be as bad as what people were saying, and decided to check it out. And I saw this, and realized everything was true. Lois Lane and Lex Luthor were gone, only to be replaced by corny and clichéd characters whom no one could like. The villains were absurd, and the special effects were even worse than last time. Unnecessary and unfunny slapstick humor occupied half of the screen time, in a Superman movie, of all places. “Superman III” is not worth your time, or your money in any case. It gets 1 out of 10 stars. It’s best to just pretend it didn’t happen.